Episode 1: What’s Your Big Deal? What Are You Fighting For?

Summary

In this episode we discuss the importance of getting clear on what we are fighting for in our lives and what our “big deal” is. We also introduce a Warrior’s Mindset, the battleground of the mind, the etymology of Warrior in Chinese, and a 3-step YES approach to discovering our dreams, recovering our passions, and uncovering our purpose.

Transcription

Hey, hey, hey!  Welcome everyone!  Thanks for joining us!  I am so glad you are here listening!

Today we are going to talk about the importance of getting clear on what we are fighting for in our lives and what our “big deal” is.  We’re also going to introduce a Warrior’s Mindset, the battleground of the mind, the etymology of Warrior in Chinese, and a 3-step YES approach to discovering our dreams, recovering our passions, and uncovering our purpose. 

So let’s get go!

Sunzi’s Art of War opens with the passage: “Warfare is a major affair of state, the point of life and death, the pathway to survival or extinction – it cannot be overlooked.”

The Art of War presupposes that we know what we want and what we are fighting for.  This clarity of purpose cannot be neglected or overlooked.

In Lewis Carroll’s (1832-1898) classic, Alice in Wonderland, there is a telling exchange with the Cheshire Cat:

“Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?

The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

Alice: I don’t much care where.

The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn’t much matter which way you go.

Alice: … So long as I get somewhere.

The Cheshire Cat: Oh, you’re sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.”

Like Alice, for too many of us, the only goal we seem to have is just to “walk long enough” to “get somewhere” in our lives.

Recent surveys have shown that 80% of Americans don’t have any goals whatsoever.  That means only 20% of us have any clue where we are going in our lives or what we are fighting and working for!  Talk about a not-so “Great Resignation!”

If we don’t know what we are fighting for or working towards, then how will we even know if we are winning?  Without clear goals, how will we know when we have achieved victory? 

The same survey reported that only 30% of those who actually set goals achieve them.  In other words, only 6% of Americans are setting and succeeding in their goals. 

Interestingly, a recent study by Bloomberg reveals that the top 20% of the U.S. population holds 70% of all the wealth in the U.S.  Is there a link between lack of goals or not knowing what we want and prosperity? 

The other 94% of Americans either don’t know what they want out of life or don’t know how to accomplish it.

That was totally me.

In the last episode, I shared how not too long ago my wife lovingly confronted me with the hard truth that I had no idea what I wanted or how to get it. 

Because I didn’t know what I wanted and had convinced myself deep down inside that I couldn’t get it, have it, or keep it anyway, there were things in my life that I didn’t want.  I just accepted them as my lot.

World renowned Jazz musician, turned U.S. politician, turned motivational speaker Les Brown said: “Life is a fight for territory and once you stop fighting for what you want, what you don’t want will automatically take over.”

That was totally me.  For decades, I just kind of went with the flow.  Taking what I could get, accepting whatever life threw at me.

I had learned in life through my failures and by well-meaning people who were trying to protect me to not to dream too big, not set my sights too high, and not set myself up for disappointment.  Just play it safe.

But deep down inside I hated it.  I knew something was missing.  I wanted something more.  But as my wife said, I had no idea what that looked like or how to get it.  I didn’t have a clear vision of what I wanted and often the glimpses I had seemed to conflict each other.

When I did have a “Big Idea” it usually got suffocated by my doubts and fears that masqueraded in my mind as “rational” and “realistic” thoughts trying to help me – but they weren’t.

I had some small things that I wanted and occasionally, when I could convince myself that there was actually a chance of getting them, I would even work for the things I wanted.  But I kept hitting a wall. 

I had become so risk averse and so afraid of failing, rejection, and putting myself out there that my comfort zone just kept getting smaller and smaller.  I had put myself into a tiny, little box.

Why?  Because of my thoughts and beliefs.

Thankfully, my wife is a dreamer.  When she had a great idea, I usually went along with it even though I had few dreams of my own. 

Her dreaming eventually created a small space for me to begin dreaming, to believe in my dreams, and push back against the limiting beliefs that were keeping me “safe” inside my little box of life. 

A Warrior’s Mindset

See, to chase our dreams, to fight for what we really want in life, and get clear on our “big deals” we need to adopt a warrior’s mindset and that starts with examining our beliefs.

I am huge proponent of Dr. Carol Dweck’s work on Growth Mindset.

As a child, I loved playing Nintendo’s game The Legend of Zelda.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with it, it’s a quest game, that chronicles what mythologist Joseph Campbell has called “the hero’s journey” – in this case, Link’s journey to defeat Ganon and save Princess Zelda.  At the beginning of the game, Link starts out with 3 hearts and a wooden sword.  It’s not much but it’s enough to get started.  As you quest, he grows stronger, accumulates better weapons, shields, tools, and resources.  He gains more hearts, which allow him to survive the rigors of life in Hyrule with its enemies and traps.  To do so, you are also required to learn various strategies and tactics to help him defeat various monsters.  While basic Link could never hope to defeat the all-powerful Ganon at the beginning of the game, by the end, with the right combination of skill and preparation, victory is attainable.

So it is with life.

A warrior’s mindset is a Growth Mindset.  Far from a woo-woo, feel good, naïve optimism that everything is going to magically work out fine in the end, a growth mindset – a warrior’s mindset – holds that we may not be able to do everything we want to right now, we may not have all the tools, resources, and allies that we need to accomplish our “Big Deal” at the moment but, like Link with his three hearts and wooden sword, we have enough to start – we can take a step – there is something we can do right now, and we’ll figure out the rest along the way. 

Growth Mindset, a Warrior’s Mindset, holds that we are enough right now, as we are, where we are, with what we have at our disposal to get started doing great things.  Sure, it may be hard, and we may stumble and fall along the way – but we can do hard things.  We’ve done hard things before.

I believe that.  I believe every single person on this planet has at some point in their lives done hard things, has overcome challenges and difficulties, has stared down fear and doubt, and has pushed passed pain and heartache, to get to the victory on the other side at least once in our lives. 

A Warrior’s Mindset is the confidence that we’ll do it again and again.  As many times as we have to, to get what we want.

So yeah, I am a huge proponent of mindset work because I had such a fixed mindset in so many areas of my life for so long.

Battleground of the Mind

It’s been said that we can only receive those things in life that we believe we deserve.

If we believe, then we can achieve, and we will receive.

When we really believe that we can do something or have something in our lives, when we actually believe that we can accomplish something or create something, then no power on earth can stop us from making it happen.

Conversely, when we don’t believe, then no force in the universe, not God or Karma or Fate, can drag us up to victory.  

See, our beliefs shape our thinking, our thinking creates our feelings, our feelings drive our actions, and to a large extent, our actions determine our results.

This is why battling for our minds and hearts matters.  It’s a big deal.  Our hearts and our minds are the battleground – the place where we live or die inside.  Failing to fight for our minds is the pathway to personal defeat.  Our minds and hearts cannot be left unexamined or uninspected.  This duty, this right, this opportunity cannot be overlooked, it cannot be neglected, and it cannot be left to others. 

If we don’t decide what we are going to believe, if we don’t determine what we are going to think, how we are going to feel, and what we are going to do, then someone or something else will do it for us – and they probably won’t have our best interests in mind.

If we aren’t working to accomplish our own goals, then, in the end, we will work to accomplish other people’s goals.

As newly appointed Anjali Chaturvedi has said: “In the end, it’s you fighting against you, for yourself.”

The Etymology of Warrior

The etymology of the word warrior in Chinese, the origin and root meaning of the actual character in the title of Sunzi’s Art of War, depicts two hands holding a battle axe overhead preparing to strike. 

In the same way, it falls to each of us to raise our proverbial battleaxes above our heads with both hands and fell the overgrown forests of false beliefs, fetid thoughts, and feral feelings that are choking out our minds and have a stranglehold on our souls. 

An axe is both a weapon and a tool.  As a tool, it can be used to chop trees down to provide the raw materials to build something useful and needed.

So it is with us.  At any moment, we have the opportunity to chop down the limiting lumber that clogs our minds and hearts or the lumbering limits that block our way forward.  At any time, we can take the raw materials of our past and our present and turn those obstacles into opportunities, into the building blocks of a better future.

This is the Warrior’s mindset: To boldly examine our beliefs, our thinking, our feelings, our behaviors, and our results against what we really want and cut down anything that is obstructing us or standing in our way.  It is the choice to reframe our experience to empower and serve us moving forward rather than to limit and enslave us to a past that is no more.

This is the way to not just survive but to thrive, to reclaim our lives, and embrace our place as powerful, profound, and purposeful beings on this planet. 

Key to a warrior’s mindset, then, is belief.  The belief that what we do matters.  The belief that we have the power to build and create what we want and that we can overcome anything that stands in our way.  The belief that we can win!  Do you believe that?

The Kobayashi Maru: The No-Win Scenario

I grew up watching Star Trek and in it there is a test called the Kobayashi Maru, a no-win scenario designed to test how people face death.  Captain James T. Kirk, the only Star Fleet officer to ever pass the test, did so by reprogramming the simulation and changing the rules of the game, making it possible to win.  He refused to accept defeat.  In his words, “I don’t believe in a no-win scenario.” 

For a long time, I just accepted the “no-win scenarios” of my life.  For most of my life, I believed deep down inside that I was a failure and that my best was never going to be good enough no matter what I did.    So I didn’t try.  I settled.  I quit.  I gave up.  I gave in – and I hated it.  I hated myself for it.

But not anymore.  So I say again: there is ALWAYS a Way to get from where we are to where we want to be in any area of our lives.  There is ALWAYS a Way forward, a way upward, and a way onward.  There is ALWAYS a way through, a way around, or a way out of any situation or circumstance that we may face.  There is ALWAYS a Way to see things, do things, and respond to things differently.

I recently had the great pleasure of listening to George Takei, Sulu from the original Star Trek, talk about the racist and illegal internment of Japanese Americans during World War II.  They had almost everything taken from them.  They were forcibly relocated.  They lost jobs, homes, and businesses. 

Yet, through it all, there were those who chose to embody the noblest of virtues and the highest ideals of America, even when those in power had succumbed to the basest forms of fear-based prejudice

In the words of Marie Forleo, “everything is figure-out-able.”

That is the warrior’s mindset.

All we need to know is what we want.

Strategy #1 – Y-E-SSS!: 3 Steps to (Re)Discovering Your Dreams, Recovering Your Passions, and Uncovering Your Purpose

Now, let’s get into the first of over 80 leadership lessons, motivational mindsets, empowering principles, success strategies, and transformation tactics from Sunzi’s Art of War. 

I developed a simple 3-step process from this opening passage to help you discover or rediscover your dreams, recover your passions, and uncover your purpose.

So, I am giving you some questions to ponder this week and I invite you reflect on the answers and flesh them out through this three-step process, using the acronym YES, which stands for Yearnings – Endgame – Strive, Struggle, & Sacrifice. Y-E-SSS!

I have a great worksheet on this to help walk you through the process.  If you are interested, shoot me an email: artofwarforlife@gmail.com

Step 1: Say Yes to Your Yearnings

Think about what you want.  What do you want in your life, what do you want out of your life, and what do you want for your life.  Think about that for a moment and any suspend disbelief.  In an ideal world, if anything were possible for you – and it is – if time, money, and energy were no longer obstacles, if you could do anything, what would you do?  Think about what you want and brainstorm a list.  Don’t worry about whether it’s realistic or possible.  Don’t judge it.  Just write or type :P. 

Give yourself permission to dream big even if you need to start small and work your way up.

There is a yearning deep down inside of all of us.  Something profoundly personal and unique.

Call it potential, call it purpose, call it mission, call it destiny.  I call it a gift waiting to be opened.

What is your “Big Deal?”  What is that thing deep down inside that feels like life or death for you?  What is that thing that you cannot imagine living your life without?

Maybe it’s a Big, Hairy, Audacious, Goal you want to accomplish in your life?  Maybe it’s a group of people you want to help?  A problem in this world that you see and want to solve?  A solution you want to provide?  A better way of doing something. 

What is it that brings you to life?  What excites you?  Gets you fired up?  Or even angers you to take a stand and do something?  What is your call to arms?

What have you always wanted to do?  What does your soul long to say yes to?  Take some time on this.

From this list, I want you to pick three that seem the most important to you.

Feel free to pause this podcast and come back to it when you are done. 

Step 2: Endgame

Okay, once you have done that.  Look at your list and think about why.  Why do you want these things in your life, out of your life, and for your life?  What is your end goal in achieving or creating them?  What end result are you looking to create?  What problem are you looking to solve?  Solution you are looking to provide?  People you are looking to help & serve?  How is the world going to be changed for the better by creating this?

Coming at it from another direction.  When you die, what legacy do you want to leave behind?  What impact do you want to have had on others?  Are there other ways of creating this endgame result than what you have thought of? 

Because our feelings drive our behaviors, it is sometimes helpful to think about what feeling you are chasing.  What feelings are you looking to create by doing these great things? 

These could be feelings both in yourself and/or others.  For example, if you feel passionate and driven to provide clean drinking water to villages in Africa, it is helpful to dig into those feelings.  I love the thirst-quenching sensation of cool water on a hot day and the idea of people not having that moves me.  The joy on the faces of the children as they drink their first cup of clean water inspires me, etc.

Step 3: Strive, Struggle, & Sacrifice

I’m not going to lie, to pursue our dreams and achieve our “Big Deal” requires effort.  It requires hard work, overcoming hardship, and even making some sacrifices.

What are you willing to strive and struggle for?  What are you willing to work to create?  What are you willing to fight for, dedicate your life to, or even die for? 

How much time, energy, and/or money are you willing to invest in pursuing your “Big Deal?”  It doesn’t necessarily have to be much, and it can and will change later.  The important thing is to start taking steps toward what we want in how we invest our time, our energy, and, as needed, our finances.  Then we will start gaining momentum and we will find that as we take a step and then another and another that opportunities, insights, and resources will begin to align to allow us to keep going, just like Link on his quest to save Princess Zelda.

I first had the idea of launching this podcast in December of 2021, so I started dedicating consistent time over the next year to prepare for a January 2023 launch.  It didn’t cost me much in terms of money less than $100 total throughout the year but I invested a lot of time and energy and sacrificed some sleep and TV and movie watching.  Most importantly, I poured my heart and soul and very being into making this happen.

What are you willing to sacrifice to pursue your “Big Deal?”  What are you willing to pour your heart and soul into?

Invitation

In next week’s episode I’ll be inviting each of you to take a look in the MIRROR – Five Critical Actions for Achieving Success.

Until then, your homework assignment is to spend some time answering and reflecting on these prompts. 

Give yourself permission to dream big, to get back in touch with some of your deepest desires, your soul longings.  You are a powerful being with profound purpose on this planet.  You have great gifts to give the world.  Someone out there in this vast world desperately needs what only you can provide, someone is searching for the very thing that only you can create, and they are just waiting for you to show up in their lives as the best version of yourself.  So go discover your dreams, recover your passions, and uncover your purpose.

Intro & Outro soundtracks by Sentius