Episode 7: Eight Tactics to Transform Your Life!

Summary

In Episode 7, we discuss eight tactics to transform your life.  They are: 1. Get Real: Prepare for Real Life Threats, 2. Play to Your Strengths & Avoid Direct Confrontation, 3. Don’t Stir up Trouble in Anger, 4. Balance Humility & Confidence, 5. Engage in Meaningful Re-creation: Balance Rest and Labor, 6. Establish Good Boundaries: Connect with Others & Uphold Personal Space, 7. Strike at the Point of Least Resistance: Take Your Shot! 8. Mix Things Up.

With quotes from Bill Parcels, Alexander Graham Bell, Benjamin Franklin, Jennifer Lopez, Nelson Mandela, Marianne Williamson, President Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt, Martin Luther King Jr., and many more.  These eight tactics can radically change your life! 

Soundtrack by SENTIUS

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Podcast Intro

Welcome to Warrior: The Art of War for Life – A Podcast for Those Who Want to Win!   Leadership Lessons, Motivational Mindsets, Empowering Principles, Success Strategies, and Transformational Tactics from Sunzi, the Master of Victory

I am your guide on the side, David Boyd, award-winning educator, transformational speaker, and Certified Life Coach.

It’s time to start winning at life!

Episode Introduction

Hey!  Hey! Hey!  Welcome everyone!  Thanks for joining us!  I am so glad you are here listening! I want to take a moment to personally thank all of you who have provided feedback about the podcast!  Your insights and opinions are invaluable to me.  For those of you haven’t yet, please do.  If you are listening to this episode, I want to hear from you!  It’s been a little over a month since we launched and I would still love to get some more feedback on what from the episodes is speaking to you, what is impacting you, what is working and what isn’t so I can better help you win your daily battles.  I’d also love to hear what challenges you are looking to overcome, what you are looking to create, and what your “Big Deals” are.  So please shoot me an email at artofwarforlife@gmail.com or send me a DM on Instagram @artofwarforlife, and please join the Art of War for Life Facebook page.  When you do, I will send you a free copy of the Sunzi Battle Planner I developed, a great resource to walk you through getting clear on your “Big Deal,” getting in touch with your why, Sunzi’s Five Strategic Success Factors, and how to level up our leadership with Sunzi’s Five Essential Attributes of great leaders.

Last week, we talked about “Sunzi’s Six Traps of (Self)-Deception and How to Avoid Them.”  Next week, I have a special treat for everyone.  I am introducing a special segment, where I bring in a guest speaker to talk about the Warrior Mindset – our first guest is international keynote speaker, impactful storyteller, change maker, and Marine Mom Abigail G. Manning!  So don’t miss it.  This week, we are talking about “Sunzi’s Eight Tactics to Transform Your Life.”

Sunzi’s Eight Tactics to Transform Your Life

              In Chapter 1 verse 6 of Sunzi’s Art of War, we read:

When the enemy poses a real threat, prepare for them; when they are stronger, avoid them. Infuriate them with harassment; feign humility to spur their overconfidence. When they are at rest, belabor them – do not give them a moment’s rest; when they are united, divide them. Attack where they are not prepared; show up where unexpected.

In this passage, Sunzi identifies eight transformational tactics to shift the balance of power on the battlefield.  Today, I want to apply these tactics to the battlefield of life.  The Eight Tactics to Transform Your Life are:

1. Get Real: Prepare for Real Life Threats
2. Play to Your Strengths & Avoid Direct Confrontation
3. Don’t Stir up Trouble in Anger
4. Balance Humility & Confidence
5. Engage in Meaningful Re-creation: Balance Rest and Labor
6. Establish Good Boundaries: Connect with Others & Uphold Personal Space
7. Strike at the Point of Least Resistance
8. Mix Things Up

We’ve got a lot of ground to cover today, so let’s go!

1. 備實: Get Real: Prepare for Reality – Real Life Threats

The first of Sunzi’s Eight Transformational Tactics is to prepare for reality, or in other words, to get real.  I grew up in the Scouting program and the motto I learned was “Be Prepared.”  In the “Good Book” it says: “If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear.” 

In Chinese, the word prepare is 備 bei4, which depicts a person 亻 standing next to a quiver of arrows 𦯞.  Hall of Fame football coach Bill Parcells taught: “The more you prepare beforehand, the more relaxed and creative and effective you’ll be when it counts.”  As Alexander Graham Bell (1847-1922) put it: “Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.” According to Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790): “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”  So, what are we to prepare for? 

Sunzi says that we are to prepare for reality.  The Chinese term is shi2 實, which refers to real wealth, abundance, and resources.  The character is comprised of a roof 宀 over a string of cowry shells 貝 (bei4).  In ancient China, cowry shells were used as currency for purchasing goods and we a symbol of real, tangible wealth and prosperity.  In short, the Chinese concept of reality was preparing a roof over our heads and income.  What do we all really need today?  The same things.  We need a roof over our head and cash, which means we need a job, a business, or some means of adding value to the world and getting paid what we’re worth for it.  Getting real, then, is tied to abundance and prosperity, to wealth and residence, to tangible resources that are connected with the needs of real life.  When we have our quiver full of arrows, assets available and place to hang our hats, as it were, we are prepared for anything. 

At the same time, this hearkens back to the idea we discussed last week of preparing for real threats and dangers while not giving in to the illusion of fear – to those distant doomsday dilemmas that may never materialize but that sap our strength to face today with the worries of tomorrow or never after, that may or may not materialize. 

How do we do that?  One great approach is to cut out the stories and the narratives and just stick to the facts.  We have a tendency to overlay reality with our own meanings.  As, Stephen R. Covey (1932-2012) states: “We see the world, not as it is, but as we are – or rather as we are conditioned to see it.”  If we focus on the story, on what things mean to us, we have a tendency to overblow things in our heads – at least I do.  Our focus determines our reality.  If we are worried about finances, then put them down on paper and deal with them there – stick to the numbers.  If we are concerned about succeeding in a new endeavor, map it out.  Start with the end in mind as Stephen R. Covey suggests: “and work backwards.”  Get that clear vision of your “Big Deal” and your why – because your why is your way forward.  Return to Sunzi’s Five Strategic Success Factors, which I talked about a few weeks ago and create a climate conducive to success that can compensate for the MESS beyond our control, leverage the landscape, level up our leadership, and systematize success.  Take all the doomsday meta-stories out of the equation and just get to work.

2. 避強: Avoid Direct Confrontation

The second of Sunzi’s eight tactics to transform your life is to avoid direct confrontation.  The phrase he uses is bi4qiang2 避強, which literally means to avoid other’s strengths.  Bi4 避 refers to avoiding or finding another way and qiang2 強 depicts the power and strength of an already taut bowstring.  Taken together, the warning is to not walk in front of the enemies drawn bows – there is another way.

As we pursue our “Big Deals,” our mission, our grand endeavors, we need to play to our own strengths not others.’  Sometimes we fall into the trap of playing into other people’s strengths, playing their game instead of our own, or playing right into their hands. 

Legendary football coach Paul William “Bear“ Bryant (1913-1983) reminds us that: “You win games with your strengths not your weaknesses.”  So, in the words of singer Jennifer Lopez: “Don’t push your weaknesses, play with your strengths.”  Sometimes, we can get so focused on our weaknesses that we lose sight of our strengths or worse, forget we even have any.  For a long time, I let my weaknesses disqualify me from utilizing my strengths – what I was actually good at and passionate about.  That sapped the life out of me!

We don’t want to go toe-to-toe with life without our strengths – that is setting ourselves up for failure!  We don’t want to just walk out in front of the social media firing squad and let our hopes and dreams become someone else’s target.  Why?  As business system strategist Wendy Nicole Anderson has taught: “Play to your strengths.  They’re your greatest assets.”  When we play to our strengths, we’ll be happier, we’ll feel better about ourselves and our lives, and then we’ll turn in a superior performance.  So just be yourself.  Do more of what you’re great at.

There is a mindset here that I have seen in sports over and over again where for some reason a team starts losing and that sense of futility that I spoke about last week gets stuck in their heads and then before they know it they are getting posterized as everybody else’s career highs.  When that happens, it’s time to make a change. 

As Australian Olympic Beach Volleyball player, author, and motivational speaker Annette Lynch has said: “Change the game to suit your strengths … use your strengths to change the game.”  If the game of life is not going the way we want it to, then maybe it is time to change the rules, change our approach, or play a different game.  We don’t have to accept a Kobayashi Maru or no-win scenario in our lives!  To do that we need follow actress Kate Upton’s encouragement to “find your strengths and play them up.”

How do we do that?  How do we play to our strengths when we may not even know what they are or believe that we have any?  This brings me back to what I spoke on in Episode 5: “Four Keys to Tipping the Scales of Life and Shifting the Balance of Power in Our Favor.”  We start by listening to our hearts.  We recover our worth as unique, irreplaceable, and powerful beings with profound purpose on this planet.  Then we uncover our dreams, our soul yearnings, those things we’ve always wanted to say “YESSS!!!” to in our lives but have been too afraid to, we uncover the great gifts we have to give the world that have been buried deep down inside of us by the dust of disappointment and the detritus of self-doubt.  Then we start playing with them, we get clear on our “Big Deal” and discover or (rediscover) our destinies.

3. 擾怒: Don’t Stir up Trouble in Anger

The third of Sunzi’s eight tactics to transform our lives is to stir up the enemy to anger.  The Chinese term is rao3nu4 擾怒.  Rao3 擾means to stir up or disturb, to get into their heads and into their hearts with worry, anger, and sadness.  Nu4 怒refers to anger and rage.  The lesson here for us is to not let ourselves get stirred up to anger and do something rash or be goaded into doing something that we’ll regret. 

Unchecked anger and rage enslave our hearts and minds.  As Joe Hyams has said: “Anger doesn’t demand action.  When you act in anger, you lose self-control.”  Some things are not worth fighting over.  Some hills are not worth dying on.  Let some things go.  Sometimes it is not worth stirring up the hornets’ nest or poking the bear.  Our personal peace is worth more than being goaded into trouble and carrying around resentment toward others.  In the end, resentment and anger only hurt us.  As Nelson Mandela (1918-2013) said: “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

This one hits me hard.  I can’t tell you all how many times I have made matters worse by escalating issues and stirring up trouble in my life out because I was angry, offended, or hurt – but it never once got me what I really wanted.  Enough said.

4. 卑驕: Balance Humility & Confidence

Sunzi’s fourth tactic to transform our lives is to balance out humility and confidence.  The conceptual pair used here is bei4jiao1 卑驕.  Bei4 卑 refers to lowliness, subservience, and inferiority.  It is the act of fanning or fawning over someone else.  Conversely, jiao1 驕 is a literal depiction of a highly spirited horse than stands taller than the rest.  In traditional Chinese military strategy, it is a common trope to feign humility, weakness, and inferiority to fawn over them to puff them up to overconfidence and arrogance.  As the proverb says: Pride goeth before the fall.

Adapting this principle to our own lives, we need to balance out humility and confidence, like Yin and Yang – taken to extremes both are detrimental and potentially self-destructive.  In America today, low self-esteem, insecurity, and lack of self-confidence are plagues!  Depression and suicides are at all-time highs.  We are suffering from a pandemic of inferiority complexes stemming from the limiting lies, debilitating doubts, and belittling beliefs that we have accepted as our truths.  We struggle to stand up, stand out, and stand tall for who we are, as we are, and where we are without the need to put others down.

I have always loved this quote by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Whether we are religious or not, it is true.  Us playing small, diminishing and denigrating ourselves does not serve the world.  Every one of us has a unique light, a glory within, and when we give ourselves permission to shine without needing to outshine others, we invite everyone else in this world to add their own gifts and glory, which brings greater enlightenment to the world.  So, when we’re feeling low, it’s okay to pump ourselves up!  Encourage ourselves and others.  Be our own biggest advocates not just our greatest critics!  You are awesome!  You are amazing!  And you are absolutely essential in this world!  You are needed!  You belong!  You are strong and capable!  You are an overcomer!

Conversely, when we are feeling overconfident, we can humble ourselves!  Don’t get cocky or slip into the narcissism of comparing ourselves to others to feel better than, or the opposite, to feel less than.  True self-confidence is not comparative, for as President Teddy Roosevelt put it: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Too many people think of humility as being weak, unworthy, and worthless.  On the contrary, true humility is a powerful internal force that can bring us to a place of purpose, vision, and power.  Humility, then, is not weakness but rather inner strength amassed and

Patrick Lencioni, pioneer of the organizational health movement, has said: “Where there is humility, there is more success, and lasting success.”

Humility is the foundation of all other virtues, the ground floor of greatness.  It is not thinking less of ourselves or denying our strengths.  Humility is the courage to see ourselves as we really are; to acknowledge our strengths without feeling superior to others and recognize our weaknesses without destroying our dignity.

Radhanath Swami has taught that: “To be a leader means to have humility, to have respect and to serve the people that we are leading. And that type of character, that type of integrity not only brings real fulfillment to our own hearts, but also has a great effect on the lives of all the people around us.”

5. 佚勞: Meaningful Re-Creation: Balancing Rest & Labor 

The fifth of Sunzi’s five strategic pairs for victory is belaboring the enemy and not giving them a moment’s rest while ensuring that our own forces are well-rested.  Taking these two principles and turning them into tactics for transforming our lives, I have come up with the need to balance rest and recreation with labor and hard work.  In The Chinese term is yi2lao2 佚勞.  Yi2 佚 refers to rest and recreation.  It depicts a person 亻 beside the character for loss 失 (shi1), which is a depiction of things slipping through our fingers or falling from our grasp. 

When we feel like we are losing, losing parts of ourselves, or at a loss, when we feel like we are holding on too tight but that things are still slipping through our fingers and that we just can’t keep holding on, we need to stop, rest, and re-create ourselves.  Rest and recreation, then, is the act of restoring and replenishing what we have lost on our journey.  It is also the awareness that we may need to relax and even let go of some old things to create space for something new. 

Former U.S. Postmaster General John Wanaker (1838-1922), regarded as a founding pioneer in marketing, said: “People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged, sooner or later, to find time for illness.”  Rest and recreation, then, are essential to our health and wellbeing.  Walt Disney (1901-1966) stated that: “In my view, wholesome pleasure, sport, and recreation are as vital to this nation as productive work and should have a large share in the national budget.”

Far from just a distraction, diversion, or an escape, we can choose rest and recreation that restores, rejuvenates, & reinvigorates us!  We can engage in meaningful and connective recreation that recharges and empowers our labor, not just that is an escape from real life and leaves us dreading our return on Monday!

At the same time, labor is a blessing.  The ability to work for what we want and to provide a living for ourselves and those we love instead of being dependent upon someone else to give us a handout is a huge blessing that not everyone in the world has or recognizes as such.  It has been said that there is no substitute for hard work and it’s true.

The Chinese term for labor is lao2 勞, which is a depiction of flames above a plough.  We talked about what a game-changer the plough was in Episode 5: “Four Keys to Tipping the Scales of Life and Shifting the Balance of Power in Our Favor” because it enabled humanity to harness a power greater than our own.  It is not just working hard but systematizing success, which is one of Sunzi’s Five Strategic Success Factors discussed in Episode 3.  We don’t want to just haul buckets all our lives, we want to build a pipeline that will benefit ourselves, our families, and entire communities and nations long after we are gone.

Returning to President Roosevelt: “It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things.”  Simply put: “Without labor, nothing prospers.”  To unlock the all the potential abundance and harvest of a seed, we have to plant.  We must sow before we can reap and there is dignity therein.  Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968) said it best when he said: “All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.”  Legendary football coach Vince Lombardi (1913-1970) said: “Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it. Autograph your work with excellence.”

6. 親離: Establish Good Boundaries: Connect with Others & Uphold Personal Space

The sixth of Sunzi’s battle strategies is to undermine the enemies’ allegiances and connections, to isolate and create distance from their allies while drawing closer to our own.  The two terms are qin1li2 親離.  Qin1 親 means intimate, close, and family.  It refers to those we are closest to and see 見 (jian4) the most often.  Li2 離 refers to distance, separation.  The character depicts a net 离 beside a bird 隹. Like birds, we need to steer clear of and keep our distance from dangerous traps.

In applying these two concepts as tactics to transform our own lives, the principle is to balance close connections with others while practicing good boundaries and upholding personal space.  Life is about close connections.  We live in the most interconnected world that has ever existed and yet we feel more disconnected from ourselves and each other than ever.  In this world of algorithms, hashtags, and followers, we need to understand the true importance of real human connection.  For as Paul J. Meyer has stated that “the human connection is the key to personal and career success.”

I love Brené Brown’s definition of “connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”  We all need connection – real connection.  We need people in our lives see us, love us, and accept us without what my friend, speaker, change-maker, and next week’s guest on the show Abigail G. Manning has called the “finger-pointing language of blame, shame, and judgment.”  How do we attract people like that into our lives?  By being that type of friend for others.

At the same time, as a recovering co-dependent people-pleaser, I can say that it is absolutely essential to have good boundaries and uphold personal space.  Gerard Manley-Hopkins (1844-1899) taught: “Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choices.”  As Anna Taylor has said: “Love yourself enough to set boundaries.  Your time and energy are precious.  You get to choose how you use it.  You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” 

See, as author and advocate Adelyn Birch has taught: “Boundaries protect the things that are of value to you.  They keep you in alignment with what you have decided you want in life.  That means the key to good boundaries is know what you want.”  This brings us back to the importance of getting clear on our “Big Deals,” as we discussed in Episode 1, where I quoted Les Brown who said: “Life is a fight for territory and once you stop fighting for what you want, what you don’t want will automatically take over.”  If we don’t have good personal boundaries then we are inviting things we don’t want to take over our lives. 

So create meaningful connections with those who will respect and uphold our personal boundaries – starting with ourselves.  Because a lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect but a lack of self-respect creates a lack of boundaries and invites others to disrespect us as well.  In know, that’s what my lack of self-respect resulted in.

7. 攻不備:  Strike at the Point of Least Resistance

Sunzi’s seventh strategy is to strike where the enemy is unprepared.  We discussed the imagery of preparation in tactic #1 as having our quivers full of arrows and being ready to let loose.  In applying this to ourselves as a tactic that can transform our lives, the principle holds true.  As with tactic #2, avoiding direct confrontation, we want to pick our battles, play our game, play to our strengths, and not walk in front of a firing squad.  In basketball, sometimes it is better to take the open layup than force a contested three-point shot. 

This is about giving ourselves the best chance of success by actively looking for openings and opportunities in our lives.  Then, when we find our way forward, don’t delay!  Get out there!  Seize the day.  Take a step.  Make your move.  Strike while the iron is hot.  Go out on a limb.  Grab the bull by the horns and don’t let go.  As hockey legend Wayne Gretzky said: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”  So, take your shot.  Worst case scenario, a moment’s rejection is better than a lifetime of regret.  So take your shot and silence the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s!

8. 出不意: Mix Things Up

The last of Sunzi’s eight strategies is to show up where the enemy is not expecting you; to do something unexpected.  Applying this principle to our own lives, in the words of Henry Ford (1863-1947): “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”  If our routines have become habits and our habits have become ruts; and if we want to get out of those ruts – if we’re tired of doing the same old things over and over again and getting the same tired results, then let’s mix things up! In order to achieve something in our lives that we have never accomplished before, we’ll need to do things, think things, and believe things we’ve never done, thought, or believed.  When we change our beliefs about ourselves and others, we shift our thinking, which transforms our feelings, which inspires new actions, which revolutionizes our results!

Along with that, if what we’re doing is not working, meaning it is not getting us the results that we want in our lives or getting us closer to our “Big Deals” we need to do something else, show up in a different way, and get outside of our comfort zones.

Whenever we feel stuck in a rut in our lives, it’s time to mix things up and do something different.  In our daily lives, this could be something as simple as taking a different route to work or school, shaking up our daily routine, or going someplace we wouldn’t normally go and doing something we wouldn’t normally do.  If we want to meet new people, for example, we have to go to new places or go at different times.  When we put ourselves in different situations or try something new, we open ourselves up to new experiences, opportunities, and insights.  Try it, you might like it!

Conclusion

Once again, we have covered a lot of ground today.  To review, Sunzi’s eight tactics to transform our lives are:

First, prepare for reality not doomsday fears – focus on the facts not the nightmare narrative playing out in our minds.

Second, play our game, not others’ – avoid playing into others’ hands.  Play to our strengths not those of others’.

Third, stay calm, hold your peace, and don’t get stirred up to anger and do something rash.  Don’t let people push your buttons and goad us into a conflict on their terms. 

Fourth, balance humility and self-confidence.  When we’re feeling low, pump ourselves up, when we’re feeling a little too high and mighty, humble ourselves.

Fifth, balance rest and recreation with work.  Work hard for what we want to create in our lives then find meaningful ways to unplug, step away, re-create ourselves, to recharge our batteries, and replenish what we’ve lost of ourselves along the way.

Sixth, create close connections with others while upholding good boundaries that honor our personal space. 

Seventh, strike at the point of least resistance.  Find our opening and strike.  Take our shot!

Lastly, mix things up.  Pick something in our lives and do it differently.

These eight tactics have the power and potential to change our lives.  They are simple but not always easy.  Inevitably, there will be internal resistance – there always is.  That’s okay.  Change can be scary but if we want to change in any area of our lives, the opportunity is always there.  So let’s get our stuff together, prepare ourselves for what we really want; play our game, play to our strengths, don’t give in to anger or resentment, our personal peace of mind is worth far more than that; hold our heads high and see ourselves for who we really are – amazing, awesome, and essential beings with power, purpose, and great gifts to give the world; give ourselves permission to work hard – even if those around us are slacking – and play hard, enjoy those moments and let them rekindle in us the spark of passion and purpose; create meaningful connections with those around us, get curious and care while maintaining healthy boundaries that respect our time and energy; find our openings and take our shot – even if our hands are trembling and our knees are shaking.  Take our shot – even if our voice is quivering and our heart is pounding.  Take our shot – even if we miss.  It will be okay; and lastly, shake things up, get out of our comfort zone, climb out of the rut, do something unexpected, give ourselves a chance, and see what happens.  We got this!

Podcast Outro

Thanks so much for listening everybody!  If you found this podcast impactful, please like and subscribe, and join us for new episodes every “Warrior Wednesday.“  For more information, tools, and resources to help you in your daily battles, for questions or to work with me, shoot me an email at: artofwarforlife@gmail.com.  Most importantly, always remember: “The power to win resides within!  There is ALWAYS a Way!”