General Introduction
Hey, hey, hey! Welcome everyone! Thanks for joining us! I’m so glad you are here listening, I really am! This is EPISODE 30 and it has been a ride!!! Thank you so much for all of your support and encouragement! It has not always been easy, it has been quite a journey so far, full of technical difficulties, technology challenges, streamlining the process, and internal struggle. I have wrestled with finding my voice, with self-doubt, with the insecurity and insufficiency of imposter syndrome, with crafting an authentic message, with extracting the leadership lessons, motivational mindsets, empowering principles, success strategies, and transformational tactics and making them accessible and effective for you. I haven’t always been completely satisfied with each segment of each episode. There have been some gems, some diamonds in the rough, and some stones. It has not always been easy, but I am glad that I pulled the trigger and did this. There have been some massive highs and some difficult lows but knowing that you all are out there listening and learning, working, and waiting for more, inspires me to keep at it, to keep going, to keep working to improve! So thank you!
Since we launched back in January, we have had over 10,000 listens in over fifty countries! That is absolutely amazing to me! I don’t have a marketing or advertising budget and I haven’t had the time to even post or promote most of the episodes on social media. Sometimes I wonder how you all even found the podcast! It is amazing! I would love to get to know all of you! To hear what your “Big Deals” are that you are working for, what you are looking for, what you want in your lives, for your lives, and out of your lives. I would love to know what has impacted you, what you want more of, and what you are still looking for. How can I help, serve, and empower you more? Please feel free to reach out.
Review
Last week, we explored Sunzi’s Six Strategies for (Self-)Preservation and Total Victory in Life derived from Chapter 4.2 of Sunzi’s Art of War. They are:
1. Pick Your Battles (可勝): This strategy emphasizes the importance of choosing your battles wisely. It’s about not engaging in losing battles or missing opportunities because you failed to act when the opportunity arose. To pick your battles effectively, you need clarity of purpose and self-awareness.
2. Keep Holding On – Don’t Give Up (守): When you can’t achieve victory yet, the key is to hold on. This strategy encourages resilience and the tenacity to cling to hope. It’s about watching, working, and waiting for the right moment to strike.
3. Make Your Move, Take Your Shot (攻): Attack when you believe you can win. Striking from a place of abundance and confidence, this strategy encourages decisive action and seizing opportunities.
4. Dig Down Deep – The Secret to Holding On (善守): To excel at holding on, you must dig deep within yourself. This involves fortifying our inner defenses and maintaining strong boundaries. It’s about preserving our inner treasures and values.
5. Strike Fast, Strike Hard – The Secret to Making Your Move (動): When we decide to take action, do it swiftly and with full commitment. Strike suddenly, like lightning, and maintain momentum to achieve our goals.
6. Don’t Hold Back: Leaving Nothing Behind: This strategy emphasizes giving our all and leaving everything out on the battlefield. This allows us to avoid atrophy of indecision, half-hearted efforts, half measures, and the entropy of failing to fully commit in all our endeavors.
These six strategies offer a path to self-preservation and total victory in life, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, resilience, decisive action, strong boundaries, and unwavering commitment.
Episode Introduction
This week, we are going to do a deep dive into how defensiveness, scarcity, insufficiency, and lack are all interconnected and discuss how openness, self-confidence, abundance, and the warrior’s growth mindset can counterbalance that and empower us to take the offensive and get out there to fight and work for what we want in our lives, out of our lives, and for our lives. So let’s go!
The topic of defensiveness is one that is near and dear to me, as I have personally struggled with it throughout my life and I have seen the devastating effects defensiveness has had on my self-esteem and on my relationships. It is one of the largest obstacles I have had to overcome in my personal development journey, one of the biggest challenges I have had to face, and one of the things that I have wanted to change the most!
Over the last couple of years, I have gotten really serious about understanding where my own defensiveness comes from. I literally listened to every single podcast I could find on defensiveness on Spotify and watched every single video I could find about it on Youtube.
Interestingly, several years ago I mapped out the entire Art of War, and created a concept map of everything he was teaching and categorized them – every passage, every chapter, every leadership lesson, motivational mindset, empowering principle, success strategy, and transformational tactic. I mapped out 90 different concepts and frameworks with all their allusions, imagery, and etymologies – and when I did that this insight into defensiveness, didn’t even register.
So, when I came across this passage in Sunzi’s Art of War for Episode 29, everything just seemed to click together for me and I knew I wanted to add an episode specifically looking at defensiveness. Let’s review the passage.
In Chapter 4.2 of Sunzi’s Art of War, we read:
If you can’t achieve victory, then defend what you have. If you can achieve victory, then attack! When defending there is not enough and when on the attack there is a surplus. Those who excel in defense dig in beneath nine layers of earth (also meaning to conceal one’s location, capabilities, & resources); Those who excel in attacking, strike from beyond the ninth level of heaven (i.e. unseen from the highest heights of heaven where lightning comes from – to descend like a lightning strike). Therefore, they are able to protect themselves and achieve total victory.
不可勝者, 守也; 可勝者, 攻也。 守則不足, 攻則有餘。善守者, 藏于九地之下; 善攻者, 動于九天之上, 故能自保而全勝也。
It is fascinating to me that by observing military dispositions, Sunzi accidentally also stumbled upon some profound insights into the causes and impacts of personal defensiveness. Here are some key observations:
1. A defensive mindset comes from a belief that we cannot win.
2. A warrior mindset stems from a belief that we can win in our lives!
3. Defensiveness comes from a place of lack or scarcity.
4. A warrior mindset comes from a place of abundance.
5. Defensiveness leads to isolation.
6. Defensiveness inhibits our decision-making abilities.
7. Defensiveness is an attempt to protect ourselves but it actually prevents us from fully winning.
1. A defensive mindset comes from a belief that we cannot win.
The first of Sunzi’s seven secret insights for defeating defensiveness is that a defensive mindset comes from a belief that we cannot win, that we are doomed, destined to lose, cannot change, or cannot achieve more in our lives, and therefore must cling to and defend what little we have left. That is the definition of scarcity, lack, and insufficiency.
Another way of translating this passage is: “Those who cannot win, defend” or “Where you cannot win, defend” 不可勝者, 守也. So it all comes down to our beliefs. Do we believe that we can win or do we believe that we are destined to lose, doomed from the get-go, don’t have a fighting chance, or even worse that we are losers?
In Episode 10: “Sunzi’s Five Full Send Commitment Tactics for When We Hit the Wall!” I discussed the etymology of victory (sheng4 勝) as working with all your might and strength to achieve victory over one’s enemies without impacting the livelihood of the people. I want to elaborate a little more on this. As I mentioned the character is comprised of a moon 月 on the left and a plough 力beneath two hands reaching up 廾 for a flame 火. Remember China was on the lunar calendar so victory is related to time and energy. What is that fire that we are reaching for and are we working and fighting for it with all our might for long enough to ensure that we will achieve victory?
This links us back to the idea of giving up too soon, one of the forms of self-sabotage I discussed in Episode 24: “The Seven Deadly Sins of Self-Sabotage and How to Avoid Them” where I shared the quote from Thomas Edison who said: said: “Many of life’s failures are people who didn’t realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”
Why do we give up so easily? Because of our beliefs – specifically the belief that we cannot win, which then fills our minds with doubt, which creates feelings of futility. This takes us back to the “Futility Farce” that I discussed in Episode 6: Sunzi’s Six Traps of Self-Deception and How to Avoid Them. These feelings of futility lead us to give up because who wants to fight a losing battle? Who wants to spend their time and energy on a losing cause? Nobody!
So, if there is an area of life where we find ourselves getting defensive often, it means that we most likely have some beliefs that we cannot win in that area, that it is hopeless and futile, so why even try? The good news is that we can begin replacing those beliefs right now – no matter how old they or how long they’ve been entrenched, no matter how much the sunk cost, it only takes a moment to call them out and begin changing them, as I discussed in Episode 18: “Four Steps to Attack Your Day!”
2. A warrior mindset stems from a belief that we can win in our lives!
The second of Sunzi’s seven secret insights for defeating defensiveness is that a warrior mindset – one that encourages us to get out there, make our move, take our shot, take a chance, and take some risks, which I discussed in Episode 29: “Sunzi’s Six Strategies for (Self-)Preservation and Total Victory in Life” stems from a belief that we can achieve victory – we can win in our lives! We have all the tools and skills, resources and allies we need, or we will find them along the way! That is the fundamental belief that encourages, motivates, and supports us on our hero’s journey through life.
In the words of Canadian-American motivational speaker Brian Tracy, it is the belief that: “You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” Without this belief, we may never get started and if we do, we won’t last long!
See, as Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919), the twenty-sixth president of the United States observed: “Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”
So, as teacher, New Thought leader, and prolific author Christian D. Larson (1874–1954) urged: “Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.”
Once we have that belief, then we will start winning in our lives because, as Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945), the 32nd president of the United States observed: “The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.” So, it all comes down to attacking the debilitating doubts, festering fears, and limiting lies that are the real enemies that I discussed in Episode 13: “Three Secret Strategies for Overcoming Our (Inner) Enemies.”
3. Defensiveness comes from a place of lack or scarcity.
The third of Sunzi’s seven secret insights for defeating defensiveness is that defensiveness comes from a place of lack, insufficiency, or a scarcity mindset – that there is not enough – there is not enough time, not enough money, or even worse – that we are not enough – not good enough, worthy enough, strong enough, fast enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or whatever!
The term Sunzi uses here is zu3足, which means sufficient or enough. It is literally a depiction of a single leg and a foot and conveys the sense of the English phrase “to have a leg to stand on.” If we feel like we don’t have a leg to stand on or that we are insufficient, deficient, or lacking in any way, we are more likely to become defensive and feel threatened.
As Tony Robbins teaches: “Scarcity is the root of all fear, and fear is the root of all defensiveness.” So, defensiveness is a product of the feelings of fear that come from the belief that there is not enough or that we are not enough.
Just as scarcity of resources creates a mentality of lack and a fear of not having enough or being enough, which can lead to defensiveness and hoarding, so too does our scarcity of self-worth, ability, and potential lead us to withhold our gifts from the world – and in the words of Gary Zukav: “Scarcity of self-value cannot be remedied by money, recognition, affection, attention, or influence” because that is an act of externalizing our sources of self-worth, like I discussed in Episode 24: “The Seven Deadly Sins of (Self-)Sabotage and How to Avoid Them.”
So, start looking at these places and identifying the limiting lies and labels that are holding us back and give them an upgrade.
11 year old me story …
4. A warrior mindset comes from a place of abundance.
The fourth of Sunzi’s seven secret insights for defeating defensiveness is that a warrior mindset comes from a place of abundance, sufficiency, and surplus. It is grounded in the belief that we are enough – more than enough – that we have more than enough time, energy, resources, and ability to go out there and get what we want in our lives, out of our lives, and for our lives! This belief creates an openness to new opportunities, experiences, and perspectives. This is the warrior’s growth mindset.
The Chinese term Sunzi uses here is not sufficiency, it is abundance, surplus, or extra, yu2 餘. It is a compound ideogram comprised of the character for food on the left 食 and tea herbs 余 (modern: 茶) on the right. The idea of having both food and tea conveyed a sense of abundance in ancient China – essentially that we have everything we need. So, the antidote to defensiveness is to change our beliefs about ourselves, each other, and the world – from insufficiency to being enough, from scarcity to abundance.
“The abundance mindset flows out of a deep inner sense of worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in the sharing of prestige, recognition, profits, and decision-making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity.” — Stephen R. Covey
The warrior mindset is defined by an abundance of courage, unwavering determination, and an unyielding belief in the abundance of our opportunities and options to conquer life’s challenges. It doesn’t matter how many times we’ve failed, it doesn’t matter how many times we’ve lost, it’s never too late, we’re never too far gone, we’re never beyond all hope. If we are still alive in this moment, if we still draw breath, then we have a chance, an opportunity to do something differently and change our outcome – we still have a chance to win!
5. Defensiveness leads to isolation
The fourth of Sunzi’s seven secret insights for defeating defensiveness is that defensiveness leads to isolation – to us withdrawing deep inside ourselves – to hiding those parts of ourselves or our lives where we feel most insufficient from others. Eventually, we can dig down so deep inside of ourselves that we feel completely disconnected to others – even and especially when in large groups or surrounded by people – and we think we are protecting ourselves by doing so. We bury ourselves and our gifts beneath layers and layers of limiting lies and beliefs and before we know it, those layers bury us, they entomb us in loneliness and isolation.
This reminds me of the Parable of the Talents in the Book of Matthew in the New Testament, in which three people were given talents according to their abilities. The first two both doubled their talents and were rewarded with more but the last person hid their talent in the earth because of fear. This is exactly what the Chinese character 藏 means – to bury our treasures and talents out of fear of being assassinated or killed. While very few of us face actual assassination these days by putting ourselves out there we do face fear of rejection, cancellation, and the proverbial crucifixion by the social media piranhas who will turn on anyone the instant they sense blood in the water.
And yet isolation is not the answer. This links back to Episode 18: “Four Steps to Attack Your Day!” and our discussion of building bridges to connect rather than walls to hide behind. We create self-fulfilling prophecies that no one will ever find us, see us for who we believe we really are. Ironically the fear of being seen blinds us to who we really are – it is the fear that we are not enough, can’t win, don’t have anything to offer, are destined to lose, be hurt, etc. that leads to hiding and isolation – it all comes back to fear.
Face our FEAR exercise from Episode 23: “Warrior Unscripted: Five Attributes to Level Up Your Life in Two Minutes!” where I taught everyone the acronym FEAR: “Face It, Express It, Acknowledge it, and Reframe It.”
6. Defensiveness Inhibits Our Decision-Making Abilities
The sixth of Sunzi’s seven secret insights for defeating defensiveness is that defensiveness inhibits our ability to make decisions quickly and confidently. In reality, defensiveness is a double-edged sword, often dulling the keen blade of our decision-making. It keeps us second-guessing ourselves, tangled in procrastination’s web, and worst of all, and we often end up missing out on Leonard Ravenhill’s “opportunity of a lifetime” because we did not act or seize it “during the lifetime of the opportunity.”
“While defensiveness shields us from criticism, it also blinds us to the clarity of sound decision-making, imprisoning us in a fortress of self-preservation.” Defensiveness inhibits our ability to make our move, take our shot, put ourselves out there, and engage. Instead, we find ourselves constantly equivocating, wavering, and suffering from the atrophy of indecision and the entropy of failing to fully commit as I discussed in Episode 10: “Sunzi’s Five Full Send Commitment Tactics for When We Hit the Wall.”
The oldest extant version of this character in the Oracle Bone Inscriptions from 3,500 years ago depicts a foot 足 at a crossroads beneath a heavy weight or burden 重. The slightly later bronze inscription version depicts an eye and speech. Think about that imagery for a moment: defensiveness is a burden so immense that it weighs us down, brings us to a grinding halt in our lives. Defensiveness doesn’t just protect us against criticism like some behemoth bodyguard, it actually imprisons us in a fog of self-doubt, indecision, and hesitation. It blinds us, making it impossible to see the path clearly, speak our truth effectively, and move confidently at the crossroads of choice.
So, are we ready to break free from the fortress of defensiveness, shed the heavy burden, and step boldly into the realm of confident decision-making?
7. Defensiveness is an attempt to protect ourselves but it actually prevents us from winning.
The seventh of Sunzi’s seven secret insights for defeating defensiveness is that defensiveness is an attempt to protect ourselves but it actually prevents us from achieving total victory or fully winning in our lives. Imagine this for a moment: Each of us is a warrior on the battlefield of life. We are armed with the noble instinct of self-preservation – to protect ourselves. Defensiveness, our trusty shield, rises high when threats emerge and adversities strike. It’s our way of safeguarding our identity and well-being, or so it seems.
But here’s the twist: This protective stance, this armor we’ve built, can inadvertently shackle our potential for total victory. Imagine those walls we erect, towering higher with each new threat. We may think we’re guarding our treasures, but in reality, we’re caging our own greatness.
Think of defensiveness as a cocoon, it is usefulness is short-lived. A caterpillar builds a cocoon to safeguard itself while it is most vulnerable to predation – while every cell in its body is undergoing transformation. Imagine if the butterfly never emerged from the “safety” of that cocoon. It would never fly, never transcend, never journey, never inspire, and never fulfill its destiny!
Total victory doesn’t dwell within these fortifications. It thrives when we lower our shields, break down those walls, emerge from the cocoon, and step boldly into the unknown. Real strength emerges in vulnerability, in the face of uncertainty and risk. Our path to greatness lies in embracing the unknown, confronting our fears, and learning from our falls.
Total victory isn’t about avoiding challenges or defending the status quo. It’s about seizing opportunities, even when success seems distant. It’s about believing in our potential and daring to step beyond our comfort zone.
Let’s face it: Our protective instincts, well-intentioned as they are, can sometimes be our own worst enemies. But when we tear down those walls, when we stride into life’s battlefield with an open heart and an open mind, that’s when we unleash our true potential and boldly embrace the path to total victory.
The warrior mindset is journey that celebrates our resilience, courage, and the unwavering belief that we can achieve greatness beyond our wildest dreams. Each one of us is a powerful being with a profound purpose on this planet! We have great gifts to give the world!
So, are you ready to break free from the chains of defensiveness and claim your total victory? Are you ready to stop seeing yourself and living life as a lowly caterpillar and emerge from the cocoon of defensiveness as a beautiful butterfly and fly into the heavens?
Conclusion
In conclusion, today we’ve talked about seven secret insights for defeating defensiveness and scarcity and embracing abundance and the warrior mindset. They are:
1. A defensive mindset comes from a belief that we cannot win.
2. A warrior mindset stems from a belief that we can win in our lives!
3. Defensiveness comes from a place of lack or scarcity.
4. A warrior mindset comes from a place of abundance.
5. Defensiveness leads to isolation.
6. Defensiveness inhibits our decision-making abilities.
7. Defensiveness is an attempt to protect ourselves but it actually prevents us from fully winning.
I have struggled with defensiveness throughout my life. My defensiveness was born out of my own limiting beliefs that I was insufficient and incompetent, unprepared and unqualified for the challenges of life. It came from the marriage of my performance-based worth with my toxic performance. The heavy burden of those belittling beliefs, debilitating doubts, festering fears, and those parasitic paradigms held me down, held me back and prevented me from passionately pursuing my passions and purpose on this planet! They prevented me from winning! But those are lies!
Now, imagine a world where victory is not just a distant dream but a real possibility, where our belief in ourselves shapes our destiny. Sunzi’s wisdom reveals some profound truths: a defensive mindset stems from the belief that we cannot win in our lives. It’s a belief that whispers we’re doomed, destined to lose, incapable of achieving more. In the face of this scarcity mentality, we try to cling to what little we have, building walls around our potential.
Let these words sink in: ‘Those who believe they cannot win, defend.’ It all comes down to our beliefs. Do we see ourselves as champions of our destiny, or have we accepted the narrative that we’re losers from the start? Victory is about channeling our inner flame with all our might and strength, over time. It’s a dance with destiny, a relentless pursuit fueled by the unwavering belief that we are enough.
But often, we give up too soon. We sell ourselves short, sell out, and settle. We surrender our dreams because of a single belief—that we cannot win! Why do we give in to doubt and surrender? It’s because our beliefs shape our reality. The belief that we cannot win fills our hearts and minds with doubt, and doubt breeds feelings of futility, and then we fall victim to the illusion that the battle is lost before it even begins. But here’s the truth: The battle is only lost when we stop fighting!
It is time to break free from the shackles of self-doubt, scarcity, and insufficiency. It’s time to rewrite our story, to change our narrative, empower our beliefs, and unleash the warrior within! It’s time to conquer the belief that we cannot win because, in reality, we’re closer to victory than we think!
We don’t need to withdraw or retreat from the battles of life! We don’t need to give up, give in, sell out, or settle for a less than life! It’s time for us to challenge our belittling beliefs, confront our festering fears, and step into our greatness! The world is waiting for the unique gifts that we possess. Someone is out there waiting for you to show up in their lives with your unique zest for life, your special sauce, your particular passions. Let’s break free from the cocoon of defensiveness, spread our wings, and soar into the unknown. Total victory and a whole new world awaits if only we dare to seize it.
Warrior: The Art of War for Life - A Podcast on Winning 
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